At 8:15 am this morning, my house became unnaturally quiet. The last of my four boys was off to school, and I was alone. Alone for the first time in 86 days. I scarcely knew what to do. Oh, who am I kidding, I'd been planning for this moment for weeks! I'd made lists of all the amazing things I was going to accomplish, projects that I would finally complete (or at least start), books I would read, marathons I would run, courses I would take! The options were endless.
And I think that's what stumps me year after year. All the choices. You see, this is not the first year I've had all my children in school. No, in fact, I've had them all in school for the past three years. With all the plans I've made for how I will spend my alone time, I should have a PHD by now. In reality, I don't have much to show for it. My house is no cleaner, my closets are no more organized, my photo albums are no more up-to-date, my bills are not more perfectly filed, my education has not been furthered, my job prospects have not improved, my talents and and skills are all at about the same level as, oh say, 16 years ago -- when my first child was born.
I usually start the fall by calling about this class, or looking into that lesson, or setting up a running schedule for the year, or looking up information for a Master Degrees online. Then I get caught up in volunteering at the school, helping at church, attending to the household stuff I somehow kept up with all summer while my kids were here (which amazes me - I'm surprised a shirt or dish got washed at all around here!), planning actual meals (as opposed to hotdogs), and soon my hours are full, my days are packed, and I have nothing to show for it. No bragging rights about my new job, or degree, or accomplishment. Just 180 days times six hours a day to equal 1080 hours per school year of unaccounted for hours.
I guess I should feel disappointed in myself. Other than showering daily and getting in regular exercise, what have I accomplished? Not much, according to a resume or facts needed to introduce me if I become famous and am asked to speak somewhere (why not dream?).
And yet I still have a bit of a smile on my face as I sit here at my computer. Because no one is yelling, "Mom! I can't get this!" or "Mom! He's touching me!" or "Mom! I'm thirsty!" (as if no one else areound here can reach a cup and turn on the faucet) No, instead some wonderful, creative, positive, or at least paid teachers are handling all those moments for me for the next six hours. The dishes I put in the cupboard will stay there, the clothes I sort and put into drawers will remain, the toys I pick up will not be pulled back out, and the food I recently stocked the fridge with will not disappear by 2 pm today. I have dreamed of this day and it has arrived.
Just thinking about all my freedom makes me a bit tired. I think I might go take a nap.
2 comments:
Great post, Sherri! I'm about 45 minutes from Jake's big arrival, enjoying the same quiet as you are while Audrey sleeps.
p.s. now that you've created a blog, all of that other stuff pales in comparison. Master's, Schmasters!
Has anyone ever told you you've got a talent at writing? Your emails have always been fun reads; now it'll be fun to hear from you via your blog updates. I guess there's no need to tell you to enjoy your solitary hours during the school year. I'm looking forward to having some of those, too...some day!
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